Sunday, May 20, 2007

Decisions

I sometimes wish I were living back in the 40's and 50's when being a woman wasn't exactly all that hard. You got married and had children and your husband took care of and protected you. It seems a more simple easy life. However, I know that I was put here in this time for a reason. I have such a strong desire in my heart to do missionary work and this may not have been as easily accessible as it is now. I say this knowing that I haven't done what is needed to jumstart this process, whatever that may be. I feel like I'm waiting for something. Around April 1st we had a woman come in and sort of reinact the life of Corrie Ten Boom from her book. Because of her father she learned to have such a love for the Jewish people. I want to know such passion. A few Sundays ago the Cox family came to Calvary. They would be leaving May 17th to Africa to live with their children. They would be working with TWR a radio ministry there in Africa. This spoke to my heart so much. I wish to do this. I want to go to Africa, India, to all kinds of places. To be quite honest when I think of my future I see myself doing these things. As much as I want a child and a husband I can't imagine myself doing those things. I can't see myself teaching in a regular classroom. I think part of that is because I have allowed myself to be partly "deromanticized" by the circumstances in my life. I know when it comes time for me to do my thing, God will show me what to do. I just wish I could turn on the life changing burning passion for God right now. I hate the apathy that has invaded and infected my life. However, no matter what I won't be leaving God and He won't be leaving me.